The human residents of the Clarkston Zoo have a fondness for crime shows. 

“Chicago PD.” “Blue Bloods.” “Magnum P.I.” “Law and Order.” Those are a few crime dramas that fill our TiVo during the fall and winter months. 

According to on-scene witnesses, there was a crime in the ferret mansion Wednesday evening or early Thursday morning. The incident is still under investigation by officers Cody and Pepper Jack. 

Everything from this point on is hearsay, as I did not see the crime scene. I was asleep when the alleged incident took place. 

I was woken up by Cody clawing at the bedroom door, and what I thought was the sound of a bear — one has been hanging in the hood — breaking down the front door. 

For the sake of everybody in the Zoo, the noise was not from a bear intruder, but instead, the noise was from Lady Human stumbling around in the entryway in search of a pet carrier.  

Instead of getting up to investigate, I reached for my phone and dialed Lady Human — yes, that is the contact name for her in my phone. It was 2:11 a.m. 

“There is blood everywhere,” she said. 

Something or somebody stabbed one of Luna’s paws. Blood splattered the layer of newspapers in the mansion. There was so much blood that Lady Human almost fainted. 

Luna is the senior ferret of the Zoo. Lady Human adopted her several years ago. Luna is losing strength in her legs and wobbles up and down the ramps in the four-story mansion.

From Pepper Jack’s and Cody’s interview with the younger ferret Otis, the initial reports are that the cut was self-inflicted. Otis told the officers that Luna got her foot stuck on the ramp and was cut wiggling it free. Otis tried to help but couldn’t contain the bleeding. He curled up in a fuzzy blanket soon after.  

It’s a good thing that Lady Human woke up when she did, or the pups would have been investigating a death instead. 

Lady Human stopped the bleeding, and Luna was back to doing ferret things — eating, drinking and sleeping — in the morning.  

FANTASY UPDATE

Tension has been high in the Zoo this week as bragging rights are on the line when my fantasy football team takes on Lady Human’s team. 

The matchup is a complete mismatch — and not in my favor. This is Lady Human’s season. She is 5-1 and holds the No. 1 seed in the 12-team league that we play in. I haven’t been as lucky and have the 11th-best team in the league with a 2-4 record. However, two of my losses have been by a combined 5.42 points. 

Last week was extremely painful as I lost by five points with Justin Jefferson (37.10 points) and Kenyan Drake (30.40) both on my bench. I should have asked Lady Human for Week 6 lineup advice.

   

NFL PICKS

I posted a mediocre 8-6 record in Week 6 and enter Week 7 with a 58-32-1 record. 

DETROIT (2-3) at ATLANTA (1-5)

The Falcons dumped coach Dan Quinn and picked up their first victory of the season last week. Matt Ryan and Julio Jones continue to hook up in this contest ... Falcons 38, Lions 34

TENNESSEE (5-0) at PITTSBURGH (5-0) 

There are three undefeated teams left in the NFL, and two of them battle in Week 7. According to the Titans Wire, in the previous four meetings of undefeated teams this late in the season, each winner has advanced to the Super Bowl. The Titans’ offense averages the second-most yards per game (422), while the Steelers’ defense allows the second-fewest yards per game (285.2). Something has to give in this contest ... Titans 24, Steelers 21.  

GREEN BAY (4-1) at HOUSTON (1-5)

Last week, for only the third time in his hall of fame career, Aaron Rodgers tossed a pick-six. And Tampa Bay came within two yards of taking another Rodgers pass to the end zone. It was a lousy game for Rodgers. He is in a great spot to bounceback this week against a Houston team allowing 423 yards per game ... Packers 28, Texans 17.

SEATTLE (5-0) at ARIZONA (4-2)

With the potential of the Las Vegas-Tampa Bay game getting postponed because of COVID-19, the NFL has flexed Seattle to the Sunday night game. This will be the third time in six games that the Seahawks have played in primetime.

On the national stage, Seattle shines and had a bye week to prepare for Kyler Murray and the Arizona Cardinals. Expect points in this game — lots of points ... Seahawks 38, Cardinals 24.  

CHICAGO (5-1) at LOS ANGELES RAMS (4-2)

The Bears keep getting it done and lead the NFC North by a game over the Green Bay Packers. Chicago is giving up only 19.3 points per game, while Los Angeles allows only 19 points per game. Expect a low scoring contest ... Bears 20, Rams 17.  

Other games:

Bills 42, Jets 14

Browns 35, Bengals 28

Cowboys 28, Football Team 27

Saints 33, Panthers 21

Buccaneers 27, Raiders 16

Chiefs 37, Broncos 12

Patriots 21, 49ers 20

Chargers 35, Jaguars 23

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